Evangelion Gaiden: Anger
by akito01
Summary: Before the first activation of Unit 0, Misato encounters the sullen Rei Ayanami.


EVANGELION GAIDEN: ANGER  
  
story by : Greg Falkingham  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion property of Gainax  
  
By the time she'd finished, the clock had just ticked past three a.m. Pushing back from the computer terminal, Ritsuko Akagi stretched out her legs, working out the kinks. She drained the last dregs of coffee from her sturdy white mug, idly poking around the paper littered desk for any unfinished business. There wasn't, but she didn't feel tired enough to call it a night quite yet. Usual cycles of sleep had pretty much been forgotten ever since she started working in the underground geo-front, the central headquarters of the NERV organization.  
  
Pulling on her white lab coat, Ritsuko crossed the length of the vacant room to the bay windows. Below lay the testing chamber, currently flooded with water for future pressure trials. In the next few days the First Child would begin the next phase in her training and preparation. Time was becoming an increasingly important factor. But, at the moment, the place was empty, standby lights barely managing to fill the hangar-sized space. Reflected in the thick plasteel glass, she caught sight of her own face. She couldn't help but notice the beginnings of worry lines at the corners of her clear green eyes.  
  
"Well, that will teach you to follow in your mother's footsteps," she murmured, sticking out her tongue in mock petulance.  
  
Wandering back to her desk, she supposed she'd better get to bed after all. Bending close to the terminal, she clicked onto the closed circuit network. A window popped up on the monitor, showing the interior of the First Child's apartment from a concealed camera in the ceiling. Cold light illumination gave a fairly clear picture of the otherwise darkened room, and the young woman sleeping within.  
  
"No late nighters for you, huh," she sighed, studying the slight form huddled on the bare mattress. Panning around, she took in the extent of the small living space. It really didn't look very hospitable. No posters on the wall, no television or stereo, and little in the way of furniture. In fact, it looked less like someone's apartment than a cheap hotel room. Or an army barracks.  
  
Ritsuko frowned. She'd had her doubts about the girl for some time, but kept quiet about it, in deference to Commander Ikari. She was, after all, the first product of the Human Development Project, his golden child. But 'first' didn't necessarily mean 'best'. In any event, the upcoming weeks of testing would tell, one way or the other.  
  
Shutting off the computer, Ritsuko stalked out of the lab, hand buried keep in her coat pockets.  
  
* * *  
  
Rei Ayanami woke to the insistent beeping of her clock alarm. With little delay she rose and walked into the closed sized bathroom. As usual the hot water was slow in coming, so she spent a few silent moments standing before the sink. A small dime-shaped cockroach picked it's way across the wall, making for a crack in the light fixture. When the shower had finally reached a tolerable temperature, she stepped into the stall and began to bathe.  
  
Today was not a school day, at least not for her. Breaks in the routine had started to become routine in and of itself. Not that it was her place to complain. Not that it would have mattered.  
  
Switching off the taps, she let herself drip dry for a minute, watching the water slide down the slightly rusted drain. Grabbing the single bath towel from it's nail, she reentered the room and came to stand before the plain wooden dresser. On it's flat surface lay a small clutch of bubble-packed pills, and a half empty beaker of water. For the moment, they could wait. Instead, she pulled open the drawers, picking her regular school clothes out of pure habit. When she'd finished, she once again turned her attention to the medication. It was the only time of day she allowed herself to hesitate, to second guess herself. She could choose to take the pills, or she could leave them alone. Each represented two possible futures, with everything following to it's logical conclusion from this point. Between compliance and disobedience. Between NERV, and the rest of the world.  
  
She took the small capsule, filled with it's tiny red and white pellets, and self-consciously swallowed it down. As she always did.  
  
Leaving behind her books, she stepped out into the hallway, not bothering to lock the door behind her. The faint smell of urine and decay pervaded the stale air of the building. One of the ceiling mounted floursecent lights flickered to an irregular rhythm. The sound of someone's television set could be heard through the thin walls, but otherwise the place seemed deserted.  
  
Between the second and final floor she encountered what was not an uncommon sight. In order to escape the chill of the night, a number of transients had made their way inside, making a temporary home of the lower stairwell. They were usually gone by the afternoon, but at this time in the morning a few still remained. One of them raised his head at her approach.  
  
"Huh, it's that albino again," he muttered aloud, staring at her. She glanced at him briefly. His lean American face looked familiar, but she had no more idea of his name than he had of hers. Laying across the stair was he was, he tried to trip her up as she passed, but failed.  
  
"Freak," he swore, but she didn't bother to look back.  
  
Ignoring the mail boxes, she passed out of the main lobby and onto the brightly lit sidewalk. At first she cringed against the sunlight's glare, but her eyes eventually adjusted. She didn't have long to wait in any event. Captain Katsuragi's blue painted sports car came around the corner in a squeal of tires.  
  
"Hey there, Rei," she greeted her, popping open the passenger side door. Rei quietly sat down on the warm leather seat, diligently strapping herself in.  
  
Misato Katsuragi smiled tolerantly, having given up expecting anything in the way of a 'good morning' from her. Revving the engine, she tore away from the curbside and joined the local traffic. The car was her current pride and joy, every bit as fun a toy as she'd hoped. The pay was never that terrific back in the service, so she hadn't refrained from enjoying herself in this new job. Of course, the car wasn't completely hers yet, but why ruin a good mood with thoughts of monthly payments?  
  
"So, all set for today," she asked Rei cheerfully, "I believe Dr. Akagi wants to begin physiological testing. Piloting an Eva isn't like riding a bike, you know."  
  
"I understand" she replied quietly, staring idly out the front windshield.  
  
"Hey, what's with the do," she teased, flicking her fingers through Rei's short, off-white hair, "it looks like someone stuck a mop on your head. Don't you ever brush it out?"  
  
"I didn't know it was important," Rei said, facing her with a serious look. "If ordered to, I will."  
  
"Well, that's fun," Misato sighed, turning her attention back to the road.  
  
In her time with the regular army, she had greatly enjoyed the comradery with the men under her command. Now, in NERV, her troops consisted of exactly one fourteen year old girl. It required something of a mental gear change, to say the least.  
  
Within the half hour they had reached the secure train line, which would take them down into the geo-front. The actual loading dock was set a distance apart from the civilian terminal, letting Misato park on the flatbed cargo puller. She retrieved her cell phone and punched in the requisite security code to the train operator. She hadn't yet been installed on the V.R.T. system, which would have allowed her to simply voice her identity. In fact, this was only her third trip to the geo-front, though it wouldn't be long before it became her base of operations; to become a cellar dweller, as she sometimes scoffed.  
  
Super-conductive solenoids noiselessly engaged, lifting the train neatly off the central rail. With little sense of inertia, they quickly accelerated out of the station.  
  
"So, I guess Rits has got a full day planned for us, eh," Misato said, reaching over to open the glove compartment. A ragged collection of papers and other detritus spilled out onto Rei's lap. "Oops, sorry. Can I just have that?"  
  
Rei spared her a tolerant look, handing over the half folded map. Spreading it open across the dashboard, Misato warily examined it's complex surface.  
  
"Welcome to NERV," she grumbled to herself, "the world's largest ant colony."  
  
* * *  
  
Ritsuko paced around the small control room, throwing glances at the wall mounted computer monitors. The three technicians seated at each of their terminals mentally cringed every time she passed. There wasn't much else to do but fret, since the subject had yet to arrive.  
  
Pushing back a few strands of her wayward blonde hair, she checked her watch once again. She gave an irritated sigh, and continued to pace.  
  
She was about ready to consider calling security to go drag them in when the lab door slid open.  
  
"Hello, all," Misato announced, putting on her most winning smile. "Hope you didn't start without us."  
  
"Captain Katsuragi," she replied coldly.  
  
Ah. Not good. Misato unconsciously placed a protective hand around Rei's shoulder.  
  
"Sorry, we got a bit lost. Well, I got a bit lost. Anyway, the First Child is here, safe as houses."  
  
Ritsuko slipped on her glasses, turning her attention to the girl.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"O.K. Go into the next room. You'll find a plug suit to change into, then we can begin."  
  
Following her instructions, Rei entered the changing cubicle. The plug suit hung limply on the wall. It's appearance was basically the same as a flight suit; a skin tight sheath of resilient plastic, typically worn to ensure that blood didn't pool in any one area of the body.  
  
Piling her clothes in the corner, she quickly donned the slippery feeling garment. Locking the wrist clamps, automatic systems evacuated the air from inside the suit with a low hiss, causing it to hug tight to her skin.  
  
"Have you finished?" Ritsuko's voice could be heard from an overhead speaker. "If so, proceed to the simulator."  
  
The door at the opposite end of the cubicle opened, revealing another chamber beyond. In sharp contrast to the clean efficiency of the computer lab, this room had all the order of a hastily put together scrap yard. Open panels in the walls bled streams of wires and pipes, connected to various pieces of machinery and data processing hardware. The centre piece of this assemblage was a white painted cylinder, about two meters in length, tilted at a forty five degree angle to the ground. At her approach, the top flipped open, and part of the front slid down with a high pitched pneumatic whine.  
  
"Please enter the cockpit, Rei."  
  
The interior was fairly basic. The contoured seat was long and flat, forcing her into a sort of half-standing, half-recumbent posture. Sliding control levels were situated at each hand, and pivoting pedals at each foot. Once inside, the capsule closed up, leaving her momentarily in darkness. Then, with a brief explosion of colour, the video screens that lined the interior came to life. They formed a solid, seamless picture on the inside of the cylinder walls, mere centimeters from her eyes. At the moment, it showed only the computer's default image; a wire frame representation of an infinite plane.  
  
"O.K., everything's on line," Ritsuko's voice confirmed. "We're going to begin filling the chamber with LCL fluid. Don't be alarmed, it's perfectly breathable."  
  
"I understand."  
  
There was an audible click, and then a flood of reddish-orange liquid poured into the bottom of the container. It filled the space with surprising rapidity. Even though she knew it was safe, it took an effort of will to stop holding her breath.  
  
"Right, flooding completed. Everything fine at your end, Rei?"  
  
Ritsuko's voice echoed strangely, and when she tried to respond, discovered she couldn't properly form the words through the liquid.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Ritsuko assured her, "I haven't engaged the interpolative software yet. Just give me a minute."  
  
Rei stared blankly into the virtual distance, her vision now tinged with red. It was funny, but it even seemed to smell of blood. Was it something in the LCL itself, or an illusion created by this womb-like effect?  
  
With a sudden flash, the screen returned to it's normal appearance.  
  
"That should do it. Try speaking now."  
  
"Yes," Rei said, though the sound now originated from the capsule's internal speakers.  
  
"Good. We're going to start Alpha brain wave testing. Just relax and pay attention to the monitor."  
  
A brief pause, then the world burst in around her in a blaze of seething light.  
  
* * *  
  
"What in the hell..."  
  
Misato peered critically at the incomprehensible images flashing across the screen.  
  
"I think it's giving me a headache."  
  
Ritsuko gave her a prim smile.  
  
"It's an active brain wave stimulation pattern," she told her, "it shouldn't have any effect, unless it fills more than sixty percent of your vision."  
  
Misato backed up a few steps, arms folded across her chest. On the next terminal over, there was a magnified picture of Rei's face from inside the simulator. Her strange pink-red eyes reflected those same screaming images, but she appeared unaffected.  
  
"Is all of this absolutely necessary," she complained, "I mean both Fuyutsuki and the Marduk Institute have her pegged as the First Child, so we know she's compatible."  
  
"It's not only a question of compatibility," Ritsuko soberly explained. "Piloting an Eva unit puts incredible demands on both the pilot's physical and emotional state. We have to know she'll remain stable, no matter what the stimulus."  
  
"Yeah, well, if Rei's anything, she's stable," Misato joked.  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"What, should I know something?"  
  
Ritsuko waved a hand dismissively.  
  
"It's nothing. Just a feeling."  
  
Misato shrugged. "So, how's she doing on the tests?"  
  
"All right so far," she affirmed, looking over the shoulder of the nearest technician. "We'll start Beta wave testing in the next minute or so."  
  
Leaning back against the table, Misato looked curiously at her compatriot. Although she was new to NERV, she'd known Ritsuko for a long time. It was odd to see her like this; Dr. Akagi, head of development and technology divisions. There probably wasn't a single one of her subordinates who knew what a holy terror she was back in college -but not nearly as bad as herself, of course. The memory brought a wry smile to her lips.  
  
"It won't be long now," Ritsuko said quietly, coming up beside her. "Unit Zero activation should take place within the month. The Second Child is in Germany, and we'll soon have the Third. If our prototype units prove viable, then mass-production of the Evangelions can begin in earnest. Everything's coming to a head."  
  
Misato was about to ask what she meant, then remembered.  
  
"Huh, I guess it has been about fifteen years, hasn't it." She found herself unconsciously reaching for the iron cross around her neck. "Hard to believe the ultimatum has almost expired."  
  
"Um, Dr. Akagi," one of the operators spoke up tentatively, "we're ready for the second phase."  
  
"Right," Ritsuko acknowledged, "begin Beta wave testing, now."  
  
The pattern being flashed on the screen changed, shifting to a much more blue-tinged hue. Misato examined the video of Rei, thinking how completely spaced out she was starting to look under this treatment.  
  
"We're asking an awful lot of them though, aren't we?"  
  
Ritsuko shrugged.  
  
"'And a child shall lead them'," she quoted, clicking through a series of figures scrolling across the terminal . "It's not as if we have a great deal of choice."  
  
"I know, I know," Misato admitted, turning away from the ongoing activity. "But it doesn't mean I have to like it."  
  
* * *  
  
It was late evening by the time Misato was once again on the streets of Tokyo-3. She had the windows down, letting in the humid summer breeze. The stereo was set to near maximum, blaring out an unsubtle combination of electronic beats and hard rock guitars. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel in rhythm to the music, maneuvering through the traffic as if it were her own personal video game. If Rei objected to any of this, she didn't show it. Instead, she sat patiently in the passenger seat, hands folded across her lap.  
  
Before long they were driving up the street that led to her apartment. It was an ordinary high rise, virtually identical to those that lined the entire length of the road. Misato looked at the state of these older buildings, and their relative state of disrepair.  
  
"I suppose they're better on the inside than the outside, huh," she asked lightly, but got no response.  
  
Pulling up to the curb, Rei let herself out, crisply shutting the car door behind her. Misato poked her head out, waving a hand.  
  
"So, same time tomorrow, right," she called.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Some of the smile wore from Misato's face.  
  
"O.K., well, you take care of yourself."  
  
She watched Rei enter the lobby before finally taking off.  
  
* * *  
  
Mounting the stairs to the fourth floor, Rei let out a small yawn. She dimly wondered if there was anything left in the fridge. If not, then she would simply wait until tomorrow to eat.  
  
By the time she had reached the third floor, she was aware that there was someone else on the stairs, some distance behind. She chose to ignore it; this was a large building, and the elevators only worked occasionally.  
  
Entering her apartment, she batted aside the untidy pile of mail with her foot, slipping off her shoes in the short hallway. Padding into the middle of the room, she stretched out her arms, cracking her knuckles above her head. Someone was outside.  
  
Turning around, she saw the door swing open. A young man, dressed in a shabby old-fashioned army jacket and worn out jeans, sauntered inside. His black hair was long and unkempt, hanging in clumps over his eyes.  
  
"So, this is where the albino holes up at night," he said, a crooked smile on his face. He closed and locked the door behind him and stepped forward. She could see now he was the same boy from the stairwell, one of the usually anonymous vagrants that chose to inhabit the darker areas of the complex. She made no comment.  
  
"And a fucking hello to you to," he spat, changing his attention to the small fridge which sat to one side. He poked around inside, frowning.  
  
"Nothing," he muttered. "Figures. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't fuck -what the hell do you do anyway?"  
  
He started to stalk in circles around the apartment, prodding at the meager collection of furniture. A grimace of disgust crossed over him.  
  
"Shit, there's nothing here." He kicked at a pile of books on the floor, opened up the dresser, and knocked away the reading lamp from over the bed.  
  
"I don't get it," he complained, rounding on her. "Every time I see you, you got this damn smug look on your face. But you aren't living any better than I am."  
  
They stared at each other for a few silent moments.  
  
"Would you leave now," she asked quietly.  
  
He grinned broadly, pressing forward. He was close enough her her to smell his unclean stench.  
  
"What do you know, the freak speaks," he said, laughing at his own play on words. "I guess she isn't too stuck up to talk to me after all."  
  
Her expression hardened. He abruptly reached out, taking hold of her firmly by the jaw.  
  
"It's too bad you have dick all worth saying," he growled. She twisted to get away, but he roughly pushed her to the hard floor. He quickly straddles her torso, pinning her arms above her head. She struggled, finding it impossible to throw off his weight.  
  
"Quit it, or I might decide not to leave," he warned, thrusting one of his hands down below her waist. "Just keep your mouth shut like you always do, and maybe this won't hurt too much."  
  
He was wrong. It hurt a great deal.  
  
* * *  
  
The clock alarm went off as usual, but went ignored. It continued to wail electronically for a full two minutes before turning itself off. Somewhere in the distance, the sound of construction could he heard; a monotonous metallic pounding, over and over.  
  
She sat at the end of the bed, chin resting on her updrawn knees, staring blankly into space. She had been like this for many hours now. Her thoughts centered on nothing more than her own steady breathing. From each intake of air, to each exhale of the lungs. Measuring their duration, she appreciated the amount of control she had over such a reflex action. Exercising that control allowed her to live entirely in the moment, to exist in no other time than the here and now.  
  
Turning over her hands, she calmly examined the bruises which marked her wrists. It looked like they were beginning to fade a little, but were still tender to the touch. As she unfolded herself from the bed, other parts of her body proved equally sore.  
  
Moving to the dresser, she began to dress. Most of her clothes from the previous day still lay scattered on the floor, so she put on whatever first came to hand. She did make sure, however, to wear a shirt with long sleeves, if only to avoid any possible questions.  
  
Quitting her apartment, she descended the main staircase to the foyer. Today the only obstruction in her path was a solitary old man. He lay flat out on the stair, smelling very strongly of alcohol, and remained unmoving as she stepped over him. One of the tenants was sorting through his mail at the letter boxes, but paid her no heed as she passed by.  
  
Stepping out into the sunlight, she stood in her accustomed spot by the curbside. There was very little traffic in this part of the city at this time of day. The relative silence was broken only by the excited chatter of cicadas, and the far off noise of heavy machinery. After several minutes, the unmistakable sound of Misato's high performance automobile intruded as it burned down the street.  
  
"Good morning," she said brightly. "Nice to see you dressing down a bit. I was starting to wonder if you actually had anything besides your school uniform."  
  
Any further comments were interrupted by the insistent chirping of the car phone.  
  
"Hello, Katsuragi spe... sir?" She looked visibly taken aback. "Uh, yes. She's right here."  
  
Misato held out the phone uncertainly to Rei.  
  
"It's Commander Ikari," she told her, "he wants to speak to you."  
  
"Yes," Rei asked, cradling the small receiver in both hands. "Yes. I understand."  
  
She handed the phone back to Misato, ignoring her curious gaze.  
  
"You are to take me to Commander Ikari's office when we arrive," she instructed.  
  
"Oh, uh, alright," Misato acknowledged, pulling away from the curb. She couldn't help but keep glancing back at her young charge, but if there was anything further to impart, she didn't say.  
  
* * *  
  
It was, in fact, the first time Misato laid eyes on NERV's ultimate authority. He sat impassively behind a large mahogany desk, devoid of any clutter save a lap-top computer and a telephone. The actual 'office' was a massive, vacant space. Elaborately engraved tiles lined both the ceiling and floor, causing each footstep to resound with startling clarity.  
  
Ikari was a severe looking man, with short, jet black hair, and a narrow beard which covered his squared off jaw. He peered at the two approaching women from behind thin, dark shaded glasses.  
  
"Captain Katsuragi reporting, sir," she said crisply, falling easily back into the old army routine. She stood firmly at attention, while Rei was notably less alert, staring absently into the middle distance.  
  
"Would you wait outside," he said in a flat monotone.  
  
Misato wasn't immediately aware he was addressing her.  
  
"Oh, yes, of course," she stammered, taking a step back. She peered briefly at Rei before turning on her heels and marching towards the distant exit. Nothing further was said until the door was well and firmly shut.  
  
Commander Ikari leaned forward, fingers steepled together.  
  
"I wanted you to know that he will be found," he announced calmly.  
  
She looked up abruptly, meeting his even gaze.  
  
"Intelligence agents are currently combing the city," he went on. "I expect he will be brought here before the end of the day."  
  
She lowered her head, concentrated on her breathing.  
  
"I'm leaving his fate up to you," he finally pronounced.  
  
"Me?"  
  
She felt herself grow tense, nails biting into her palms.  
  
"Rei?"  
  
"Just tell me when he arrives," she said, not quite able to keep the emotion from her voice.  
  
"Very well," he nodded. "You may now report to Dr. Akagi as originally scheduled."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Leaving the office, she encountered Misato a few meters from the entrance, leaning casually against the wall.  
  
"Wow, that was fast," she remarked, falling in behind Rei. "I don't suppose this is anything to do with me, is it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So, it's back to the lab for both of us, huh," Misato said, placing a companionable hand on the girl's shoulder. "We can't keep the mad scientists waiting."  
  
* * *  
  
Upon arriving, however, they found that things were not quite in order. Ritsuko was hunched over the open cabinet of a data processing unit, fussing around it's exposed interior with one of her somewhat harried assistants.  
  
"Ah, there you are," she said as they entered, a notably embarrassed tone to her voice. "I'm afraid we aren't actually set up in here yet. Do you think you can keep Rei busy for a while until we're ready?"  
  
"Sure, no problem," Misato shrugged, leading Rei back out the door again.  
  
"I guess nothing's going to plan today," she wondered aloud, scratching the back of her head. "So, what do I do with you now?"  
  
Rei looked up at her blankly.  
  
"Ah, I've got an idea," Misato smiled, snapping her fingers sharply. "Provided I can find the place."  
  
* * *  
  
Rows of florescent lights flickered into life, gradually filling the long chamber with a steady illumination, reflecting off the white concrete walls. Misato walked along the partitioned stalls, grinning broadly.  
  
"Now, this is training I understand," she said with enthusiasm, making for the weapon lockers. "These were my proving grounds, you know. Besides, it never hurts to learn how to defend yourself."  
  
Rei looked on dubiously as Misato examined the carefully arranged ranks of rifles and handguns.  
  
"Now, that's a fun one," she remarked, pointing to one of the otherwise anonymous weapons. "Put it on full auto, and FWOAH! Serious hurt. And then there's that one; completely recoilless, just can't miss."  
  
Moving down the rack, she was about to launch into the old 'got it, got it, need it' routine, but one look at Rei made her think twice.  
  
"Anyway, we better start off with something simple."  
  
She pulled out a pair of ordinary handguns, and a box of ammunition.  
  
"Have you ever used a firearm before, Rei," she asked, diligently sliding bullets into each clip.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, it's very simple. What we have here are standard issue 9mm automatics," she explained, demonstrating as she went. "The clip holds fifteen shells, which fits into the grip like so. When you want to fire, you pull back the slide to load the bullet into the chamber, then release the safety."  
  
She handed the second gun to Rei, who cradled it uncomfortably in both hands, as if it might come alive at any moment.  
  
"Now, the good bit," Misato said, crossing over to one of the firing stalls. She pressed a switch, and a target silhouette positioned itself at the opposite end of the alley. She removed the protective headphones from their hook, giving a pair to Rei.  
  
"The most important thing to remember is stability and concentration," she instructed, putting words to action. "Stand with your feet square to your body, slightly apart. Use your free hand as a brace, like so, then sight along the top of the barrel to the target."  
  
Taking careful aim, Misato fired off eight shots in quick succession, brass shell casings clattering to the floor. Peeling off her headphones, Misato flicked the switch to bring the bullet-holed silhouette forward. Four had hit the area designated as the heart.  
  
"Hm, must be out of practice," she complained, putting down her half-empty weapon. "Still, not bad, not bad."  
  
Rei looked down at the loaded gun she still had in her hands.  
  
"Captain Katsuragi?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Have you ever killed anyone?"  
  
Misato blinked in some surprise.  
  
"No. No, of course not," she told her. "There hasn't been a serious war since the Second Impact, you know that."  
  
Kneeling down, she peered curiously into Rei's eyes.  
  
"Why? Is that what you think we're asking you to do? Because it's not," she said seriously, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder. "I can't say what this war is going to be like, but we're not forcing you to kill your own kind, I promise."  
  
Whether or not her words had any effect, she couldn't tell.  
  
"Come on," she encouraged, rising to her feet. "It's your turn."  
  
Following Misato's directions, she took her position, facing the next target. The gun was heavy, but otherwise fit easily in her hand. Levelling the barrel, she gingerly pulled the trigger. The sharp report echoed from the concrete walls, closely followed by several more as she continued to fire. It required so little effort.  
  
"Well, not too bad," Misato appraised, the target mechanically swinging forward. None of the 'critical' areas had actually been hit, but many had come close. "Just remember to concentrate, and don't feel you have to fire off each shot right after the other. Take the time to aim. It sometimes..."  
  
"I fail to see the value of this type of training," Rei said calmly, laying the pistol down.  
  
Misato have an exasperated sigh, visibly rankled.  
  
"Right. Fine," she huffed, throwing up her arms. "We'll just forget it then. I suppose you'd prefer to have Rits screwing around with your brain, huh?"  
  
She tried to settle herself down before saying anything else she might regret.  
  
"All right," she breathed, putting away the headphones. "Let's, I don't know, go grab something to eat, I guess."  
  
* * *  
  
It was still a bit early for the lunch rush, so Misato and Rei had the cafeteria largely to themselves. They sat at the same table, but at opposite corners. Neither seemed particularly interested in the food on their trays, despite the fact that Rei hadn't eaten in nearly twenty-four hours.  
  
Misato prodded at the sauce covered rice with her chopsticks, occasionally peering at Rei from behind her dark bangs. She never returned her interest. Silently she railed at herself for her outburst, hoping she didn't hurt the girls feelings. Not that she appeared to have any. Perhaps that was the root of her frustration; not being able to tell whether she was doing a good job, if she'd managed to inspire any trust or confidence between themselves.  
  
What little food she'd eaten sat like lead in Rei's stomach, almost enough to make her sick. It was just killing time anyway. She wanted to pull up her sleeves, to examine the bruises yet again, to count out the seconds, to concentrate purely on the physical rather than live in her own head like this. Maybe afterwards it would be better. Maybe.  
  
"Rei Ayanami," the voice over the intercom announced, "would Rei Ayanami please report to observation room Seventeen B."  
  
Misato frowned at this news.  
  
"Where in the hell is that," she complained. "Has Rits moved us, or..."  
  
"No," Rei told her, rising from the table. "This is for me alone."  
  
Misato looked at her uncomprehendingly.  
  
"Is this something to do with Ikari? From this morning?"  
  
Rei didn't answer.  
  
"Well, go then," Misato muttered. "Dismissed."  
  
Pushing back her tray, she watched Rei disappear down the corridor. She shook her head and tried not to let it bother her. Obviously this was all above her head, or at least above her rank. This, to her mind, begged the question of what she was doing here in the first place.  
  
* * *  
  
A single uniformed guard stood outside. He acknowledged her approach with a nod, and activated the door panel so she could enter. The room beyond was circular, starkly lit, with padded white panels lining the interior walls. Commander Ikari stood to one side, hands clasped behind his back, quietly regarding the figure kneeling on the floor.  
  
He turned as Rei joined his side, resettling his narrow rimmed glasses.  
  
"I'll be sure you won't be disturbed," he said flatly, no particular emotion in his voice. "Contact the guard when you want to leave."  
  
She remained silent as he walked out, the door sliding shut behind him.  
  
He had been stripped of his coat, and his wrists were cuffed firmly behind his back. He looked up once Ikari had left, revealing a livid bruise below his right eye. Evidently he hadn't been persuaded to come here easily.  
  
"So, it's you," he said hoarsely. "I should have known. The narcs usually aren't this weird."  
  
He waited, a look of sullen resignation on his face. She stood in front of him, staring. He still had that stench about him; the kind acquired from too little attention to personal hygiene. It was odd how memory keyed in on things like that.  
  
"Well," he asked, getting visibly irritated by her continued silence. "What do you want from me? An apology?"  
  
He glanced around the room, if only to avoid her unwavering stare. It was those damn red eyes of hers.  
  
"Alright, so, I'm sorry," he said, shrugging. "Whatever. It's not like it was personal or anything."  
  
Rei watched him shift uncomfortably, hardly hearing his words. She couldn't understand. Ikari said that his fate was in her hands, yet she was aware how little say she had in her own. It was an irony that only now struck her full force. It felt as if her stomach were tying itself in knots.  
  
"It's not like you can do shit to me anyways," he spat defiantly. "I know the law. If you want me in jail, you're going to have to open that stupid mouth of yours eventually."  
  
He glared at her, as if daring her to dispute this fact.  
  
"What the hell is the deal with you!?" he shouted, pushing himself forward. "What do you want already!? Fucking freak..."  
  
The impact sent him reeling to the floor. The taste of blood filled his mouth, and a tooth came sliding out in a dribble of bile. He'd barely had time to register what happened when she followed with yet another kick, shattering his jaw. He couldn't quite manage to cry out before losing consciousness, the blows continuing to fall, one after the other.  
  
* * *  
  
Misato had practically run herself ragged when she'd heard that Rei was in the infirmary. She finally found her in one of the smaller examination rooms, seated on the edge of the narrow bed. Ritsuko stood nearby, hands buried deep in her lab coat pockets.  
  
"What's happened," she asked breathlessly, joining her by the girl's side.  
  
"I'm not sure," Ritsuko admitted. "I just got here myself. I'm told she's been given a mild sedative, but I don't know why. Otherwise, she seems fine."  
  
Misato bent close to Rei, who remained limp and expressionless. She had been changed out of her clothes and into a plain grey flannel gown. She appeared to be staring at her fingers, and the slight scrapes that peppered her knuckles.  
  
"Rei," she said softly, trying to catch her eye. "Did something happen? Is there anything you want to tell us?"  
  
Misato couldn't tell if she'd even been heard. She was about to say something to Ritsuko, but her attention had been drawn elsewhere. Spinning around, she was confronted with the sight of Commander Ikari, standing rigidly in the doorway.  
  
"Sir," she exclaimed, automatically straightening.  
  
Rei slowly lifted her head, eyes focusing on this new arrival. With a swiftness that took Misato completely by surprise, she leapt from the bed and lunged at him. She clutched at his uniform lapels, buried her face in his chest, and began to cry. The girl wept with such violence of emotion it shocked Misato to the core. She shared a baffled look with Ritsuko, who appeared equally shaken. Ikari looked down on her, and inexplicable smile crossing his face. He held her gingerly, letting Rei lean against him as she continued to sob unreservedly.  
  
"It's O.K.," he said quietly, kneeling before her. He gripped her firmly by the shoulders as she tried to choke back the tears. "It will be all right."  
  
He reached up to wipe some of the moisture from her still flushed cheeks.  
  
"No one will ever have to know," he told her. "I shall see to that. It will remain a matter between us alone. Do you understand?"  
  
She nodded, staring mutely at the ground.  
  
"All I ask in return is that you do your best for us. No matter what we may ask, or what is required. I want to know we can depend on you."  
  
Again she nodded, not quite as emphatically.  
  
"Good."  
  
Ikari rose, brushing the creases from his jacket.  
  
"Captain Katsuragi," he addressed her, his usual disaffected tone returning. "You will return Ayanami home at her earliest convenience."  
  
"Yes, sir," Misato replied, snapping out of her reverie. "Of course."  
  
Without a further word, Ikari stepped back and out into the hallway. Rei watched him go, once again taking on the listless appearance Misato noted when she first entered. Coming up behind, Misato delicately tapped her on her shoulder.  
  
"Rei? Is that what you want to do? You want to go home now?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Misato looked over a Ritsuko. She could only give a helpless shrug in reply.  
  
"O.K."  
  
Ritsuko frowned to herself after the pair had left. Too many ghosts from the past were looming up for her to analyze the situation clearly. Too little information. She suspected it was going to be another late night.  
  
* * *  
  
Although there was no music this time, Misato's fingers still rapped on the steering wheel in a distracted manner. She almost felt afraid to open her mouth. Rei, as always, was quiet and still.  
  
"Um, Rei," she tried, glancing over, "I know it may be none of my business, but, I can't help but kind of think that it is."  
  
She took a deep breath and started again.  
  
"I mean, I know I'm not your mom or anything, but I am your superior officer. We're going to be depending a lot on each other in the time ahead, and we have to know we can trust each other implicitly. That sense of trust is very important.  
  
So, I want you to know that if there's anything you want to discuss, anything at all, I'm here for you. O.K.? Are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?"  
  
"No," she replied.  
  
Misato nodded, unsurprised.  
  
"Still, I hope there won't be too many secrets between us," she said earnestly.  
  
"Secrets?" Rei turned to look at Misato, a puzzled expression on her face. "Haven't you understood by now? Secrets are the reason NERV exists."  
  
It was a statement Misato had no ready answer for. The rest of the journey was spent in silence. When Rei took her leave, Misato couldn't manage her usual cheery send-off. Instead, she propped her chin on the steering wheel, watching her vanish into the lobby.  
  
"I'm sorry you never gave me the chance," she sighed, but whether she was addressing Rei, or Commander Ikari, she wasn't sure.  
  
* * *  
  
Kouzo Fuyutsuki reached over and began rewinding the second tape. By now he'd viewed both, but still found it hard to believe the evidence of his eyes.  
  
"Well?"  
  
The older gentleman turned to gaze at this one time student. The three of them sat around the small table, facing the row of video screens which provided the room's only illumination.  
  
"It's monstrous," he told Ikari bluntly. "The first incident was unfortunate enough, but this... It's as if you stuck her into a crucible to see if she'd ignite. I only pray we are left with more than ash."  
  
"How unusually poetic of you, Professor," Ikari remarked, fingers steepled over the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't do you credit. I want your professional opinion."  
  
Fuyutsuki shook his head.  
  
"It's not too late to delay the project," he said emphatically, "or at least bring over the Second Child, continue the start up with her."  
  
"And what do you say, Dr. Akagi?"  
  
Ritsuko dragged her eyes away from the ongoing replay. She dimly wondered how long it took to clean off the blood.  
  
"I share Professor Fuyutsuki's concern," she answered carefully. "Knowing the invasive nature of the Eva-pilot interface, I hate to think what would happen if this trauma infected the Evangelion."  
  
"You speak of 'if'," Ikari pointed out. "You can't say for sure?"  
  
"I doubt there's anyone who can," she replied acidly.  
  
"Will it affect activation?"  
  
Ritsuko folded her glasses back into her coat pocket.  
  
"No, I don't think so," she said. "Although, I can't speak for the long term consequences."  
  
"That is my concern," Ikari stated. "Activation of Unit Zero will continue as scheduled, with the First Child."  
  
Ritsuko nodded, unconvinced there had been any real debate on the subject.  
  
"If there's nothing else," she excused herself, rising from the table. "I have a lot of work to catch up on."  
  
"You understand that this matter is to be 'white papered', Dr. Akagi."  
  
White paper. A blank sheet. Like the rest of Ayanami's file.  
  
"Yes, sir, of course," she acknowledged, before finally leaving the darkened room.  
  
Fuyutsuki leaned forward, rubbing his tired eyes.  
  
"Do we know anything about the male, Gendo," he asked, using the Commander's first name as he often did when they were alone.  
  
"A mere transient, " he shrugged. "I am quite certain he will not be missed. You disapprove of my methods?"  
  
Fuyutsuki sighed, glancing back at the monitor.  
  
"It's not the remedy I would have chosen," he said tactfully.  
  
"Do you have any children of your own, Professor," Ikari asked with mock innocence.  
  
"You know that I don't."  
  
"Then I think you can trust me to handle this."  
  
The older man frowned. Trust was not a word he'd come to associate with the Commander.  
  
* * *  
  
Misato sat lounging out on the patio-style balcony, her feet propped on the lower railing. By now the sun had set, and night was settling over the Tokyo-3 skyline. A half empty can of beer dangled from her fingertips, swaying in a sort of abstract circle.  
  
She usually preferred not to drink alone, but most of her old friends were back in Germany. She hadn't really got to check out the local pubs yet, and Rits wasn't likely to be free anytime soon. So, here she was, forced to kick back and just brood on her own.  
  
She couldn't deny it. Things weren't exactly going the way she thought they would. She'd originally joined the organization because of her father, because of Ritsuko, because it felt a little like coming home...  
  
But it wasn't. In the intervening years it had changed, become an alien place. It was, exactly as Rei had said, a place of secrets. It was difficult to grasp what it meant to grow up under those conditions.  
  
Yet, in a very real way, she had. But that was well before it had become NERV. It felt like a much more open, freer institution back then. Plus, she'd been able to leave, to make her own mark in the world before returning of her own free will.  
  
Rei, in all likelihood, didn't have those sort of options. Even if she refused to pilot the Eva -a choice Misato swore she would have while under her command- she would still carry the moniker of the First Child. A human guinea pig. A testament to the efforts of the Marduk Institute, and whatever other band of anonymous scientists were involved. Like Ritsuko.  
  
Draining her beer, Misato roughly crushed the aluminum can between her palms. Slouching back in her chair, she looked up at the clear evening sky. The stars were coming out, at least the ones that could defeat the glare of the city lights.  
  
"This is all your fault, you know that," she muttered to the heavens above, then reached over and cracked open another beer.  
  
* * *  
  
The clock alarm went off at it's accustomed time. Rei stretched out an arm, switching it off. So, she had slept after all.  
  
Stepping into the bathroom, she turned on the shower and patiently waited. She noticed that the marks had virtually disappeared from her wrists. She reminded herself to report to the office when she got to school, in order to get a replacement uniform. No doubt there was a lot of work to catch up on. It would be done. As always.  
  
The shower was the first she'd had in some time, and probably the most appreciated. She remained a few minutes longer than necessary, simply enjoying the sensation of the warm water pouring over her. It was a little bit like being in the LCL fluid, an experience she suddenly found herself longing for. Perhaps because it really did feel like being back in the womb. Or being dead.  
  
Standing before the dresser, she regarded the package of pills that lay atop it. This time there was no hesitation; she swallowed it down even before getting dressed. Whatever choice she once imagined there was in that moment, she could no longer see it.  
  
Descending the main staircase, no one was present to accost or otherwise bock her way. Indeed, there never would be again. But once...  
  
She was a frail looking woman, with a riot of frizzy brown hair, and a slightly lost look on her face. She was wandering around the foyer, but upon seeing Rei, practically leapt upon her. She did, however, take an unconscious step back again on registering her unusual physical condition.  
  
"Excuse me," she said, somewhat excitedly. "I don't mean to intrude, but I hope you could help me. I'm looking for someone..."  
  
Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a small glossy photograph. Rei stiffened in recognition, but otherwise betrayed no emotion.  
  
"I understand he often hangs around here," she went on, "or at the shelter further down the road. You haven't seen him, have you?"  
  
Rei gave no immediately reply.  
  
"It's funny," the woman remarked nervously, putting the picture away. "I can't seem to find anyone who will even talk about him. It's not like he's a bad person, not deep down, but... well, you know. But we're all very concerned back home, and I know that if we could convince him to come back..."  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't help you," Rei said flatly, not quite able to look her in the eye. She brushed past, ignoring her disappointed slouch.  
  
"I don't think you'll find him," she informed her, glancing back over her shoulder. "Perhaps it would be best just to forget."  
  
She walked out the door, coming to stand at her accustomed spot at the curbside. The black unmarked van parked around the corner came forward, the one designated to shuttle her to the secondary test site. She let herself be herded inside it's dark interior, noticing that the strange woman was still watching from the lobby. It would be the last time they would see each other.  
  
Perhaps it would be best to forget; advice she could only hope to follow. To forget all of it. It might have been easier to go on, simply hating him. But she had proven what she is capable of, and that knowledge left her with the additional burden of hating herself, and what she'd become. And now they were going to put the power of the Evangelion under her control.  
  
There was only one way forward now. She knew she would have to be stopped. At some point in the future, she hoped to find the courage that would let her do it herself.  
  
But, for today, she would have to try and forget.  
  
Today, she was to activate Unit Zero.  
  
* * *  
  
God's In His Heaven, All's Right With The World  
  
-NERV slogan  
  
And another angel came out of the temple,  
  
crying with a loud voice to Him who sat on the  
  
cloud, "Thrust in Your sickle and reap, for the  
  
time has come for You to reap, for the harvest  
  
of the earth is ripe."  
  
So He who sat on the cloud thrust in His  
  
sickle on the earth, and the earth was reaped.  
  
-Revelation 14:15-6  
  
THE END 


End file.
